Alcoholism is a disease that affects us all, directly or indirectly. We’re conditioned to think of alcohol use as a standard coping mechanism in day-to-day life. If you’re feeling down, simply drink your woes away, or at least enjoy forgetting them for the moment. There’s an edge of the morbid surrounding alcohol and its ubiquity, though. We all know that answering the call to abandon is self-destructive. This kind of behaviour is often met with a knowing smile.  While we know how damaging it can be, we understand the reprieve isn’t worth discounting altogether. We tend to do things even though we know they’re bad for us and revel in the act. If you’re wondering if a recovering alcoholic can have a healthy relationship, you’ve come to the right place. Read on to learn about the value of healthy relationships, recovering alcoholic personality traits, and more.

What Does It Mean to Be a Recovering Alcoholic?

Being a recovering alcoholic entails that someone is recovering from alcoholism. They are trying to readjust to a world where they’re denying themselves their favoured crutch. Life without self-medication can be a grim proposition. After spending so long in a self-imposed altered state, the reality can be daunting.

A person who has decided to return to baseline normality without the influence of alcohol to prop them up has done so for a reason. This is most commonly because they’ve realized that their choice of succor has begun to have the opposite of its intended effect. People drink to make life more bearable, not less.

As soon as a person truly realizes that their life is being made worse due to alcohol, they’ll begin to fight their addiction. This is not easy. They’re effectively fighting the one thing that allowed them any release. Relapsing is common on the road to recovery but is by no means the end of the journey to sobriety.

The Value of Healthy Relationships

Attempting to beat your demons is noble, but doing so alone is a proposition that many will find impossible. For alcoholics, alcohol is the answer to feeling isolated and alone. Trying to beat it without the help of friends and loved ones will make it all the more difficult.

Instead of reaching for a bottle of wine for help, try to familiarize yourself with asking someone for some company instead. This can be difficult at the beginning but will get easier in time. You might even find that the people you ask are grateful that you reached out to them.

Admitting to yourself that you require help is the first step to asking for it. Embarrassment is a great barrier to healing from alcoholism. Allowing yourself to express your emotions during recovery is foundational for success.

Without someone to talk to about your struggles, you’ll find it much more difficult to understand them. Sometimes, hearing yourself explain what’s going on internally can profoundly affect your understanding. Making use of existing relationships towards this end is a solid strategy for improving your situation.

Appreciating Those Around You

It might not be obvious to you at the beginning of the road to recovery, but everyone around you has struggles. If it feels like everyone else has their lives together. You might think you’re the only one who has deviated from a healthy path. However, you’re wrong. Assumptions greatly cause strife and unnecessary pain. Especially if you imagine others to be perfect.

There’s a great deal of empathy available for those of us who can admit to ourselves and others that we need help. The plight of the human being is a shared one. Although we rarely talk about it, we’re in this together. We’re not so different from one another. It’s just that we’ve become divorced from appreciating our similarities.

A genuine plea for help will rarely go ignored. The power of empathy is a core strength of our beings, enabling us to flourish as a species in times of hardship. If you reach out tentatively for a listening ear, you may be surprised at the kindness and understanding you’re offered.

Understanding Interpersonal Intimacy

Our ability to communicate is nothing short of magical, despite its innate crudeness. Language can only be so accurate, especially when dealing with complex emotions. Attempting to communicate, even if you’re misunderstood at the beginning, is a healing process in and of itself.

Simply spending time with another person and making an attempt to understand each other is enough to steady a tumultuous mind. The intimacy involved in picking apart your thoughts and emotions in such a way as to be understood is empowering. Finding common ground while you direct your attention towards another person and having that attention mirrored back at you is an affirming experience.

Try not to feel like you’re a burden on the people you’re leaning on. It’s a two-way street for each person involved. Sharing yourself and your emotions will bolster the other person as well. It will allow them to share some of their problems with you. Remember, a problem shared is a problem halved.

The importance of intimacy cannot be overstated. In our modern world, the meaning of an intimate relationship has been boiled down to that of physical or sexual intimacy. Touching the mind of another in an attempt at understanding who they are and what they’re feeling is true intimacy. This is where progress is made.

Connecting to Another Person

Alcohol is often used to disconnect from the world and all its various drudgeries, including the feeling of isolation. We isolate ourselves from these feelings and escape our problems. Before long, the desire to escape becomes all-encompassing as our problems get worse through our avoidance.

Being in a relationship with an alcoholic is no easy feat because of this. You’ll be unable to connect with them as they avoid interactions that can only be made in a state of intent sobriety. Somewhat ironically, creating and fostering a real connection is what might help them most of all.

If you’re looking to help yourself or a loved one in the grips of alcohol abuse, creating an intimate connection while sober is a great start. Let them know that you’re available to talk, and to listen. This allows an alternative route to relief for the addict to take instead of their usual one towards the bottom of a bottle.

Positive States of Sobriety

Understanding that it’s possible to enjoy life and escape the need to alter perception with alcohol to get through the day is important. First-hand experience of a positive and enjoyable time without the aid of alcohol strengthens the desire to overcome the addiction. These positive states can be realized with the help of a friend or loved one.

With the help of someone you feel comfortable with, it’s much easier to distance yourself from invasive desires. If you can, begin enjoying yourself without the help of alcohol. Even for a short time, you’ll begin to believe it’s possible. Reaching this stage shows without a doubt that life without alcohol isn’t only within reach, but it can also be enjoyable.

Working on healthy relationships that don’t revolve around alcohol consumption can be difficult at the start. You might find that the majority of your relationships revolve around the consumption of alcohol to one degree or another. If you suspect that the main activity of a relationship is drinking alcohol, it might be time to consider distancing yourself from that person.

Recovering Alcoholic Personality Traits

Commonly observable personality traits of the recovering alcoholic often depend on which stage of their recovery they’re at. People just starting on their journey to sobriety will exhibit different behaviours than those who feel they’re well on their way. This all has to do with how they’re feeling internally and how they believe themselves to be progressing.

In the beginning, people wrestling with their desire to get sober might appear to be more anxious than usual. This is understandable as they’re thrusting themselves into a world where previously they had to alter their perception to cope. They may also appear more cynical or jaded towards self-improvement as they become more familiar with the process.

Alcoholics exhibit symptoms of codependency in their relationships. Two people can prop each other’s addictions up, blaming each other while indulging in their drinking. If you’re hoping to combat your addiction or help someone else who you suspect might be in a codependent relationship, it could be worth addressing the toxicity of the relationship first.

Positive Traits of The Recovering Alcoholic

Recovering alcoholics who are seeing substantial and real progress in their lives will appear happier and more confident. This is to be expected from anyone who has begun beating their demons. These thoughts and feelings should be bolstered with rewards and positive reinforcement.

Open-mindedness to new avenues of life and a general broadening of horizons is possible, too. Suddenly life will begin to take on a new light, where everything was once doom and gloom, the alcoholic will have a new sense of possibility. As the feeling of unshakable reliance upon the substance destroying them is lifted, joy is sure to follow.

As the addict escapes from under the weight of their addiction through perseverance and help from others, they may seem like a new person. People who have gone through a personal hell often come out the other side a much more considerate and intuitive type of person. Wisdom is hard-won through trial and tribulation, and if you were one of the people to help in their time of need, you’ve made a friend for life.

Negative Traits of The Recovering Alcoholic

It won’t always be plain sailing on the road to recovery. It’s a path with many twists and turns, so don’t expect to make it on the first try. Simply do your best, so if you suffer a relapse, you’ll at least know you made an honest attempt to improve your life.

People suffering from addiction can lash out and become self-destructive amid their misery. Often, addicts have to hit rock bottom before they can bounce back. If you’re an addict, try to be kind to yourself and remember that this is a slow process, and one step at a time is still going in the right direction.

If you’re trying to help an addict with their addiction recovery, remember to look after yourself as well. Don’t allow yourself to suffer damage due to proximity to their affliction, martyrdom isn’t an answer to this situation. Drunk people have severely compromised decision-making ability and lessened inhibitions, the person they are while drunk, is who they’re so desperately trying to avoid.

Don’t take to heart the actions or words of a drunk person, they’re not themselves. Wait until they’re sober to discuss anything, convincing a drunk person of anything is a fool’s errand.

Dating A Recovering Alcoholic

If you’re dating a recovering alcoholic, it’s important to consider how this relationship might differ from others you’ve been in. A recovering alcoholic needs you to be understanding of their situation. You might find yourself being relied upon for emotional support and the strength necessary for them to continue staying sober.

For you, alcohol might not be a particularly big deal if you’ve had no problems with it personally and can take or leave it. Taking a little time to imagine what your life would be like if you were an addict yourself can serve the relationship well going forward. Demonstrating empathy and understanding will be greatly appreciated by your partner, more than you might believe possible.

Avoiding alcohol yourself is a good idea, at least while spending time with them. It’s not so much that your drinking will cause them to wish they could also have a drink, though that’s a possibility. Making the conscious decision to remain sober and present with your partner shows them that alcohol needn’t be a factor in the relationship.

Date Nights Without Alcohol

Being able to spend quality time with your partner without the need for alcohol will serve as a firm foundation for their sobriety journey and your relationship. The presence of alcohol isn’t necessary to have an enjoyable evening, even if it used to be a staple of the experience for both of you. Talking openly about how the experience differs from what you’re both used to is encouraged.

If you’d like to have a drink, ask them how they would feel about seeing you indulge. Believe them if they’re open to the idea and reassure you that there’s no problem. There’s a level of trust that has to be adhered to for any relationship to flourish.

Addressing potential differences isn’t something taboo, discussion is healthy and will help you both to better understand each other’s emotions about the situation. Ignoring the elephant in the room will only cause it to grow and become more of a touchy subject. There’s no better time than during a personal moment together to broach potentially uncomfortable topics and air them out.

If your date night involves a home-cooked meal, it might be worth discussing recipes involving alcohol. The answer to the question of “Can recovering alcoholics eat food cooked with alcohol?” will differ depending on the person struggling with addiction. If they suspect the taste or subtle effect might trigger a relapse, it’s best to omit it as an ingredient.

Getting to Know Your Date

If you’re interested in someone who has admitted to having problems with alcohol, ask them questions. You’re entitled to know what you’re getting yourself into. It could be worth digging deeper if they seem to struggle with being open and honest about the subject.

People on the road to recovery from alcoholism understand that being truthful about their problem is healthy and nothing to be ashamed about. If they can’t be open and honest with you, they might have trouble being honest with themselves. The first step towards continued sobriety is admitting to themselves the truth of their situation.

Don’t be afraid to voice your worries if you have any and to discuss how to behave when it comes to situations that might include alcohol. Situations where alcohol is commonplace are going to come up frequently. It’s best to discuss and agree on how to react, so you have an understanding between yourselves when the moment inevitably arises.

Being in a Relationship With an Alcoholic

If you decide that the person you like is worth staying with, accepting their alcoholism is a part of them is necessary. Alcoholism is a disease that never leaves those afflicted with it, they’re always one drink away from a relapse. There’s no reason you can’t have a wonderfully fulfilling relationship with a recovering alcoholic, just remember that they’ll never be able to have a drink with you.

Walking on eggshells is never a position you want to find yourself in. Both parties should understand the topic of alcohol within the relationship. It is not a subject to avoid. The issue is real, and constant communication and understanding are the only routes toward a successful relationship.

Establish boundaries and run through all the likely scenarios involving alcohol use together and how you’ll agree to conduct yourselves. A lot of fear and apprehension is borne from the unknown, so having agreements in place will serve you both well when looking toward the future. If you ever need to revisit anything, don’t hesitate to do so, as relationships are constantly changing and evolving along with you as individuals.

Listening to Your Recovering Alcoholic Partner

If communication is the keystone for any successful relationship, this is doubly true of a relationship navigating the pitfalls of alcoholism. Your recovering alcoholic partner might feel the need to express doubts and needs if they’re feeling uncertain or tempted. It doesn’t matter what the particular issue is at any given moment, so long as they feel heard.

Feeling reassured that their partner is there for them and understanding their plight can be all a recovering alcoholic needs to stay the course of sobriety. It might seem like a trifling thing to pause what you’re doing and pay attention, but it means the world to someone in need. This is the part you have to play as the partner of a person in recovery.

When someone is in the midst of an emotional moment and is seeking comfort or support, the fallout can be considerable if they’re denied it. Sometimes, if you ignore someone at the wrong moment, it can be all it takes to trigger a cascade of negativity resulting in relapse. As the partner of a recovering alcoholic, you must remain vigilant and accessible to enable constant support whenever necessary.

Positive Outcomes Are a Choice

Relationships aren’t easy, even in the most ideal scenarios, but that doesn’t mean happiness isn’t possible with a recovering alcoholic. All it takes is dedication and the choice to remain positive in the face of potential hardship.

If you can help someone while they’re getting sober, you’ll have a much stronger bond for having overcome a serious issue together.

If this article has helped answer some of your questions, be sure to check out the rest of the blog!