Simcoe Addiction and Mental Health

Simcoe Addiction & Mental Health

How to Break the Sexual Addiction Cycle

Two people laying in bed with their feet hanging out of the sheet. Depicts sexual addiction.

How to Break the Sexual Addiction Cycle

Several studies show a correlation between compulsive sexual behaviours and how they can contribute to sexual addiction. While many people enjoy intimacy, there are times when it can be taken too far, leading to destructive actions. Are you wondering if you or a loved one are addicted to sex? Perhaps you’ve even gone as far as beginning to wonder how to break the sexual addiction cycle. In this comprehensive guide, you will find information on the various stages of the sexual addiction cycle and signs to look out for. Read on now and then take the next step to receive the help you need.

What is the Sexual Addiction Cycle?

It’s well known that when it comes to addictions, most operate cyclically. This means they continue based on a specific process until someone seeks help to break this cycle.

One action triggers another as someone dealing with addiction moves from each stage of the addiction to the next.

Sexual addiction is defined based on a series of behaviours, urges, and fantasies that are acted out by the person experiencing them. In some cases, sexual addiction may be known as compulsive sexual behaviour. This is because of the repetitive patterns these actions follow.

As a person continues to act out these behaviours, it can negatively impact relationships in their daily lives. It can keep a person from completing their obligations and impede healthy behaviours.

Defining sexual addiction can be challenging. This is because, in some instances, it may not be categorized as an addiction until these behaviours begin to send someone into a downward spiral.

Let’s dive deeper into the various stages of the sexual addiction cycle.

Stage One: Being Triggered/Facing Triggers

The first stage in the sexual addiction cycle is the triggers. These are the things that prompt the thoughts someone desires to act out sexually. These thoughts can inevitably turn into actions in the future.

Most triggers are categorized as pain agents. This means they can cause discomfort such as physical or emotional pain. The person experiencing discomfort will then seek an escape or another way to avoid what they’re feeling.

Examples of triggers include:

  • Onset of depression
  • Feelings of anxiety
  • Sense of loneliness
  • Daily stressors
  • Shame
  • Anger

These are just a few of the triggers, but there are others that people may experience. These lead people to seek sexual intimacy from an intimate partner. The triggers above are categorized as negative triggers.

There are some instances when something positive can act as the catalyst for the behaviours that follow.

Triggers can also be more than situations in a person’s life. A person can be triggered by visual, olfactory, touch, taste, and auditory stimuli.

For example, if someone smells perfume, that scent can make them revisit a past sexual experience with a partner. This experience could lead to a person wanting to reenact that memory or crave it again.

It’s crucial to understand what your triggers are because when you decide to seek treatment, you will discuss these triggers.

You’ll also determine steps that you can use to cope with these triggers before they turn into negative actions. Unfortunately, these negative actions can propel you deeper into the sexual addiction cycle.

Stage Two: Fantasies Begin

After surrounding factors have triggered you, fantasy is the next stage. You may find yourself fantasizing about situations you wish would happen or past situations that have taken place.

The primary coping technique that people use after being triggered is their fantasies.

Fantasies are readily available and can transport them to any sexual encounter they want in their minds. This could mean replaying past sexual encounters they’ve had and how they felt in those moments.

It could also mean creating scenarios in their minds that they want to play out in the future. Once the fantasies begin, it’s easy to become transfixed or hyper-focused on the partner within the fantasy.

More often than not, until this fantasy is satisfied, you will continue to replay the fantasy in your mind. This could cause you to see everyone you encounter as an object that can be used sexually.

Stage Three: Ritualizations

The ritualization stage is when you take the fantasy from your mind and begin to make it a reality. When thoughts start to become actions, it can increase the excitement surrounding them.

Because these feelings become more intense, it can also increase the need to be aroused. For example, someone having sexual fantasies may get excited by driving to an area that sex workers heavily occupy.

As they get closer to the area, the idea of satisfying these fantasies increases their excitement to act out these thoughts. During this cycle stage, you’re locked into your fantasies.

This is when other things that might need your attention begin to fall by the wayside.

Many addicts want to make this stage last as long as possible because once fantasies are acted upon (as we will discuss in the next section), the feeling of excitement can dissipate. Thus remaining in a state of ecstasy is what is sought after the most.

Stage Four: Acting Out Your Fantasy

While some people seek to live in the third stage of the cycle, others are the most excited to act out their fantasy and receive the satisfaction that comes along with it. While acting out of the fantasy, a person may put off reaching their climax to ensure that the experience can be felt for as long as possible.

Once the experience is over, you’re catapulted right back into reality, which means dealing with potential stressors and triggers that ignited the cycle to begin in the first place.

Stage Five: Distancing Oneself

After someone has acted out their fantasies and reached a sexual pique, the next stage is to do what it takes to distance oneself from the actions they participated in.

They may seek reasons to justify their actions and even feel immense shame for what they’ve done.

Or they could write these behaviours off and tell themselves things that minimize what has occurred.  When this thought pattern is activated, a person’s denial is in full effect and transports them to the next stage.

Stage Six: Increased Feelings of Shame

After distancing themselves from their actions, people may start to feel guilt and anxiety. Why? Because they now have to face the reality of their actions and the potential consequences that come with them.

These feelings of shame and anxiety can ignite depression and easily transport someone back to stage one. This begins the cycle all over again.

As a person continues to find themselves in this cycle, it can become more intense each time they go through it. They may face more challenges with each repetition of the cycle.

What is a Sex Addict: Different Types to Know

There are different types of sex addicts. Instead of providing one broad definition of what a sex addict is, we have defined various types of sex addicts below.

Biological Sex Addict

This is when someone does sexual things like viewing pornography or masturbating excessively.

Outside of being addicted to porn, someone who is a biological sex addict may have issues having sex with an actual partner because they’re used to satisfying their needs based on sexual imagery or fantasies.

Psychological Sex Addict

A psychological sex addict is someone who has dealt with abuse in the past that leads to long-term trauma. For someone who deals with this form of sexual addiction, instead of seeking help, they use sexual gratification to mask the pain they deal with.

Spiritual Sex Addicts

Spiritual sex addicts are people who are addicted to sex but also possess a deep longing for a spiritual connection with the people they have sex with. They lull themselves into thinking that the physical and euphoric feelings that come from intimacy correlate to a spiritual connection. Ultimately, they are left empty, wanting the same thing until they have another sexual encounter.

Trauma-Based Sex Addicts

We’ve mentioned that some people become sex addicts based on the abuse they experienced in life. This is somewhat similar in that a person who has experienced trauma during childhood or adolescence may begin to repeat the actions that were done to them. People who fall into this category are known as trauma-based sexual addicts.

Mood Disorder Sex Addict

The last type of sex addict is categorized as a  mood disorder sex addict. Those who suffer from mood disorders tend to self-medicate via sexual release to alter the present chemical imbalance. This sexual response is then conditioned, becoming a part of the individual’s schema, creating an addiction. 

Signs of Sexual Addiction

Whether you suspect that you have a sex addiction or someone you know may have one, there are some signs you might begin to notice. These signs should serve as the trigger to seek help if you’re addicted to sex.

The first sign is not being able to remain loyal to one intimate partner. Many people find they cannot stay with one person because they can’t satisfy their sexual appetite. To ensure their sexual needs are met, a person may seek out other partners or begin cheating on their partner. In other words, when someone seeks sex with multiple partners, this can be categorized as engaging in risky behaviours.

Failing to Keep Up With Responsibilities

Much like any other addiction, everything else begins to fall behind once it becomes a full-blown addiction. Instead of tending to responsibilities in your life, you may spend the day searching for something to fulfill your sexual desires and appetite.

Anything that doesn’t fall under the umbrella of being sex-related will become less critical. If someone continues to remain in the sex addiction cycle, it can have an adverse effect on their lives.

In some cases, it can lead to things like:

  • Loss of a job
  • Divorce and relational issues
  • Financial challenges
  • Destruction of personal relationships.

If you begin to notice that you’re neglecting your responsibilities, it’s time to get treatment to help break the addiction cycle.

Denial of Risky Behaviour

When someone engages in risky sexual behaviour, it could mean exposing themselves to contracting an STI and putting themselves into situations that can prove dangerous. Being in denial of your risky behaviours means not stopping to think about the consequences of your actions.

For example, what happens if you decide to cheat on your partner and they find out you’ve been unfaithful? What if you engage in sexual activity with someone else and find out you’ve contracted an STI?

These are often questions that run through someone’s mind before they engage in risky behaviour.

When someone has a sexual addiction, these questions aren’t enough to keep them from engaging in the actions.

It doesn’t matter what the consequences are; it won’t stop them until they decide they’ve had enough and make a conscious effort to stop.

Difficulty Reducing Time Spent on Sexual Activity

People suffering from a sexual addiction find little time to do anything that doesn’t revolve around sexual acts. As someone continues to deal with sexual addiction, the time they spend engaging in sexual acts can drastically increase.

If you find that your time has been overtaken by fulfilling your sexual urges, it’s a sign that you may have a problem.

These are just a few signs that allude to someone having a sexual addiction. However, a person can suffer from various signs and symptoms.

Why do People Get Addicted to Sex?

There are several reasons or causes for someone becoming addicted to sex.

Genetics

Studies and research show a correlation between a person’s genetics and their disposition to fall into addiction. Suppose a person’s family has a history of pleasure-seeking behaviours or impulse control problems. In that case, this could make them more susceptible to dealing with issues as they get older if they don’t know how to manage them.

Hormone Levels

Another biological issue that could cause a person to have a higher sex drive is hormonal levels. For example, if someone has higher estrogen or testosterone in their systems, it can cause their overall sex drive to fluctuate.

Psychological Factors

In addition to biological components, some people deal with psychological components that cause them to fall into sexual addiction. This could mean someone is dealing with a mental health disorder, and instead of seeking treatment, they choose a method of self-medicating. For example, someone with bipolar disorder might participate in riskier behaviours when in a manic state.

Trauma

Also, people who have been subjected to past trauma can mimic these behaviours as they get older. Mainly because these behaviours are engrained in them due to the abuse they were subjected to. This causes them to develop unhealthy attitudes and behaviours toward sex.

Social norms

Social norms or hyper-sexualization are another cause that could lead to sex addiction. In today’s society, the media promotes certain messages and values. When media is repeatedly consumed over a long period of time, a person’s mind will absorb what is being shown.  

For example, instead of coming to terms with what you see as fantasy, you believe it’s the way things are supposed to be. You may begin acting out the things you’ve consumed in the media. For instance, someone may believe that understanding their sexual nature comes from engaging with several intimate partners.

How to Break the Sexual Addiction Cycle?

Now that you’ve got a better understanding of the ins and outs of the sexual addiction cycle, it’s time to break it once and for all. The first thing you need to do is seek out a place equipped to help you.

When you enter an addiction treatment center, you’ll spend time speaking with a program coordinator who will assess and help determine the best path for sex addiction treatment.  

From there, you’ll spend time working with a therapist. They will help you identify your triggers. Before learning coping methods, you must know what triggers your sexual addiction. Determining these triggers is essential to helping you stop and redirect the sexual addiction patterns. These triggers could fall under an environmental or emotional category.

If you don’t know your triggers, the therapist can help you work through your past until the triggers become more apparent.

Setting Boundaries

Another way to break the cycle of sexual addiction is to begin learning to set healthy boundaries. In the beginning, it might be challenging to stick to these boundaries. As you continue to practice them, it becomes easier to uphold them.

As long as you’re honest with yourself as you seek treatment and understand that it will take time, you will continue to progress. These boundaries might also include different methods of removing your triggers from your life.

For example, if unlimited internet access is a trigger, consider refraining from using the internet. Or suppose you’re in a scenario where you must have access to a desktop, laptop, or phone with internet access. In that case, you can instead use blocker software that prohibits you from accessing pornographic websites.

These blockers won’t keep you from accessing these things because there are ways around them, but it will be more challenging. For some people, that momentary challenge while you’re in treatment will be enough to make you stop and think about what you’re about to do.

When you seek to stop destructive habits, the first step in the right direction is to stop and think about your thoughts. This can help you redirect your thoughts before they turn into actions.

Taking It Day by Day

After you enter treatment, such as sex addicts anonymous, you’ve got to learn to be kind to yourself. We understand that those who deal with porn and sex addiction feel an immense amount of shame and guilt. It’s one of the things that can lead to a relapse.

Instead of allowing these feelings to hinder progress, understand that every day will be different. One day you may feel confident in everything you’ve learned while in treatment and feel like you can face each day with no problems.

On another day, you might begin feeling vulnerable and as if all your hard work doesn’t matter. On days like these, there are steps you can take to help yourself. For example, you can reach out to someone from your support system who can speak with you and essentially talk you off the ledge.

How to Have Self-Control Sexually?

There are several things you can do to maintain sexual control, with the first one being to choose the people you surround yourself with carefully. Some people don’t have your best interests at heart and can lead you into situations that could hold several triggers within them.

Another thing, as mentioned previously, you can practice setting healthy sexual boundaries. By setting these boundaries, you can protect yourself from falling prey to your temptations.

Another way to control your urges is to seek ongoing treatment. Addiction is something you’ll deal with for the rest of your life. Therefore, there will be times when you need to go back to treatment to remind you of how far you’ve come.

Lastly, take some time to question the intent of sexual interactions. Are you doing so because you’ve created a strong relationship with someone, or are you seeking to distance yourself from reality?

How to Break the Sexual Addiction Cycle: A Comprehensive Guide

The main factor in breaking the cycle of sexual addiction is seeking treatment. Are you ready to gain more control over your life and intimate relationships? Contact Simcoe Addiction & Mental Health for help today.

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