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person laying down down on a couch, speaking to a counselor. Depicts OCD in relationships

OCD in Relationships: An in Depth Look at Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Experts estimate that anywhere from 1% to 2.3% of the global population suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). This disorder can be devastating for people with OCD and their loved ones. Mental health professionals have come up with different subtypes of OCD to explain these differences. Each subtype revolves around a particular theme. Each theme refers to the content of the subtype’s obsessions and compulsions. In this guide, we want to help people with this disorder and their loved ones understand OCD in relationships. We will also take a deeper look into the relationship between OCD subtypes.

The 15 OCD Subtypes

There are two components of OCD. The first is the obsessive thoughts and irrational fears people with this disorder experience. The second is the compulsive behaviours they take part in to alleviate these thoughts and fears.

Yet, not all people experience these components in the same way. So experts have grouped OCD into 15 common ‘themes’ to account for the distinct symptoms different people experience. These themes are:

  1. Harm OCD: Features intense fear about harming oneself or others
  2. Paedophile OCD: Features intense fear of being or becoming a pedophile
  3. Sexual Orientation OCD: Features intense fear that one’s ‘true’ sexual orientation does not align with their sexual identity
  4. Responsibility OCD: Features intense fear about acting irresponsibly and causing harm to others
  5. Suicidal OCD: Features intense fear that one is or will become suicidal
  6. Just Right OCD: Features obsession with repeating tasks until one gets it ‘just right.’
  7. Health Anxiety OCD: Features intense fear about being physically or mentally ill
  8. Moral Scrupulosity or Religious OCD: Features intense anxiety about being religiously or morally good
  9. Sensorimotor or Hyperawareness OCD: Features obsession over bodily functions (e.g., breathing, heart rate, blinking, etc.)
  10. Contamination OCD: Features intense fear of germs
  11. Metaphysical Contamination OCD: Features intense fear of negative spiritual energies
  12. Existential OCD: Features obsession with questions about existence (e.g., what is the meaning of life?)
  13. Order and Symmetry OCD: Features intense anxiety about things being disorderly or out of place
  14. Post-Partum OCD: Features intense anxiety parents feel about causing harm to a newborn
  15. Relationship OCD: Features intense anxiety about relationships, in general, or one’s partner, specifically

Learn more about OCD and relationships below.

What Is Relationship OCD?

Relationship OCD (ROCD) is a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder featuring intense anxiety about romantic relationships. Experts typically distinguish between two types of ROCD.

The first is a general anxiety about relationships. Someone may experience this anxiety whether or not they have a partner currently. Fears centre around what it means to have a healthy relationship or how to find ‘the one.’

ROCD targeted at one’s significant other is also known as partner-focused OCD (POCD). People with POCD may hyper-focus on their partner’s flaws or compare their partner to others they are attracted to.

It is normal for people to sometimes question the nature of relationships and their partner’s qualities. Though with OCD, these questions can become obsessions.

People with ROCD can struggle to move past these thoughts. Their thoughts can then begin to influence the health of their relationship(s).

How Does ROCD Impact Romantic Relationships?

ROCD impacts romantic relationships negatively. A person with ROCD may have severe doubts about their partner or relationship. These doubts may confuse and push away the partner of the person with ROCD.

When people think of OCD, they may conjure up images of people obsessively washing their hands or counting the tiles as they walk. Yet, some forms of OCD do not feature externally recognizable behaviours.

ROCD is like this. The person’s relationship and/or partner obsessions may occur internally. Their partner may not realize what is happening until the person with ROCD begins to act on these anxieties.

For example, individuals with this OCD subtype may require constant affirmation about the relationship (e.g., ‘Of course I love you!’). This desperate need for reassurance can feel exhausting to partners of people with ROCD.

Relationship or partner doubts may also trigger avoidance in the person with ROCD. For example, they may withdraw from their partner out of fear that they don’t ‘truly’ love their partner or that their partner doesn’t truly love them.

General OCD in Relationships

ROCD may have the most direct impact on romantic relationships. However, all OCD subtypes can negatively affect interpersonal connections, especially concerning OCD and intimate relationships.

Take the sexual orientation OCD subtype. This subtype features intense anxiety that the person is living a lie regarding their sexual identity. For example, a straight man may fear he is meant to be in same-sex relationships.

These fears come about due to intrusive thoughts. For instance, the man may have an intrusive thought that another man is attractive. Instead of dismissing it, he takes this thought seriously and is convinced he must be sexually attracted to men.

Now, imagine that this man has a partner. His doubts about his sexuality get triggered every time he and his partner get intimate. So, he starts to avoid intimacy to keep him from triggering his sexual orientation anxieties.

These thoughts and behaviours may make sense to the person with OCD. Though to their partner, these behaviours may look like the person with OCD is no longer interested in the relationship.

This is one example, but it is not the only one. Contamination OCD, pedophile OCD, and moral and religious OCD can cause similar problems in romantic relationships.

The different OCD subtypes do not only impact romantic relationships. They can also take a toll on nearly every type of interpersonal connection in the person’s life.

OCD and Familial and Platonic Relationships

OCD impacts family and friends in three main ways. First, the person with OCD requires constant reassurance regarding their fears. Second, the person with OCD may avoid loved ones or certain places and things.

These tendencies are especially detrimental to interpersonal connections when the person is undiagnosed. They may not know how to talk about their fears and avoidant tendencies with their loved ones, confusing both sides.

The third way OCD impacts these relationships is due to ritualistic habits. Some ritualistic habits occur in the mind only. For example, people with suicidal OCD may imagine self-harming to see if the scenario is appealing.

Other rituals are more obvious. For example, someone with responsibility OCD may constantly check with others to ensure they aren’t hurt. Someone with contamination OCD may partake in ritualistic cleanings every night before bed.

These rituals, in particular, can be exhausting to family and friends. The person with OCD may cancel plans to take part in rituals. Or they may require loved ones to wait around for hours while they take part in these behaviours.

OCD in Teenagers

Having a teen with OCD can be distressing for their families. Teenagers with OCD may struggle to keep up with their responsibilities. They may also self-isolate and avoid social interaction.

When a teen has undiagnosed OCD, these behaviours can look like normal teen angst. Parents may suspect their teen is using substances or suffering from another mental health condition.

The teen’s behaviour takes a toll on their family, friends, and themselves. They may pick up on the distress they are causing their family and internalize it as they feel immense shame and guilt for causing this distress.

Helping a Loved One With OCD

Loving someone with OCD can be difficult and exhausting. Yet, there is hope. There are effective treatments available for people with this disorder.

Family integration programs can also help the loved ones of people with OCD. Partners, family, and friends can learn ways to support their loved ones while simultaneously practising self-care.

Here are some of the best ways to help a loved one with OCD.

Be Patient

It can be easy to lose patience with someone who has OCD. They may take hours to complete their rituals. They may require constant affirmations and reassurance.

Yet, it is crucial to remember that people with OCD are in pain, too. They may want to stop their OCD tendencies but feel incapable. They will pick up on their loved ones’ frustration, which may impact their self-esteem.

Practising patience can help loved ones support people with OCD. Avoid dismissing their fears or becoming angry at their behaviours. Instead, practice empathy and validate their pain without reinforcing their fears.

Try to Understand

There are many misconceptions about OCD. For example, some believe that if people with OCD could just ‘chill out’ or ‘calm down,’ they would not experience the symptoms they do.

OCD is a serious mental health disorder, and people can’t just turn off their symptoms. They need treatment to understand their condition and learn new coping mechanisms to manage compulsions.

Learning as much as possible about this condition is an excellent way to support a loved one with OCD. Understanding can help distinguish between the disorder’s symptoms and the real person underneath.

Do Not Reinforce Compulsions

Many parents and partners recognize that their loved one performs compulsive rituals because they are experiencing immense pain and fear. They may then try to participate in these rituals as a show of support.

As well-meaning as these intentions are, participating in compulsive rituals can inadvertently reinforce them. The person with OCD learns that doing the ritual calms their anxiety, making them more likely to perform compulsions the next time something triggers their symptoms.

Instead, reinforce positive coping skills. When someone with OCD gets triggered, loved ones can encourage them to practice mindfulness or take a moment to meditate. These skills can help replace the compulsions over time.

What Not to Say to Someone With OCD

There is a fine line between supporting and enabling mental health disorders. It is crucial to understand the difference. So, avoid saying the following things to a loved one with OCD:

  • Don’t tell them there is nothing wrong with them (e.g., ‘Don’t worry, everyone is a little bit OCD.’)
  • Don’t invalidate their anxieties (e.g., ‘I know you think there are germs, but the house is spotless!’)
  • Don’t enable their compulsions (e.g., ‘Let me help you clean the house so we can make our reservation in time.’)
  • Don’t feed into their fears (e.g., ‘You’re right — the subway is full of germs, and that’s why I avoid it, too!’)
  • Don’t enable someone who doesn’t want to seek help (e.g., ‘Your symptoms aren’t that serious, and they’ll probably resolve on their own anyway.’)

All of these statements come from a place of support. Yet, they may accidentally reinforce someone’s OCD symptoms.

OCD Support Groups

People with OCD need to seek treatment. Therapy and medication can help these individuals better manage their symptoms. Plus, they can learn how to improve their interpersonal relationships.

There are many options when it comes to OCD treatment programs. Individual therapy is necessary for OCD treatment, but family therapy sessions can help, too. Individuals can choose between inpatient and outpatient therapy.

It can also be helpful to incorporate support groups as a supplement to therapy. Support groups are informal gatherings of people who suffer from similar conditions. Family members may also be able to attend support groups.

A support group can’t replace individual therapy for people with OCD. However, it is an excellent way for people to get support from peers who also suffer from this disorder.

People with OCD in Toronto can try the OCD Toronto support group. It has meetings on the 3rd Tuesday of every month except for July and August. Learn more about OCD Toronto at this link.

There are dozens of other support groups for people with OCD. Many offer virtual sessions so individuals can attend from anywhere in Canada or the world. Find more OCD support groups here.

Searching for ‘OCD Treatment Near Me?’

OCD can take a significant toll on relationships. OCD in relationships is even more devastating when people have ROCD (relationship OCD). It is crucial to seek treatment to improve these connections and better manage symptoms.

Do you or a loved one need OCD treatment in Toronto? Simcoe Addiction and Mental Health is a private treatment centre in Ontario offering inpatient and outpatient programs for people with OCD.

Contact Simcoe to learn more about our programs and find the best treatment for you.